Ontnigxuc is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, ruthless turtle.

Ontnigxuc created the Small Magellanic Cloud four million years ago.

If you believe in Ontnigxuc, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ontnigxuc, he will destroy your home solar system.

Ontnigxuc's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Ontnigxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt cats.

2. Never eat parsnips.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Always help shrews.