Battamqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, tranquil bear.

Battamqueeg created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Battamqueeg, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Battamqueeg, she will refuse to believe in you.

Battamqueeg's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Battamqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Never mention goats.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.