Xucmanflat is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, egotistical gerbil.

Xucmanflat created the Small Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucmanflat, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Xucmanflat, he will make you grow a tail.

Xucmanflat's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Xucmanflat's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention tortoises.

2. Xucmanflat loves dolphins, so they must be honoured.

3. You must pray to Xucmanflat three times a day.

4. Do not drink water in green rooms.

5. Never look at planets.