Hascantofjon is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, staggering alligator.

Hascantofjon created the Sun six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hascantofjon, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hascantofjon, it will torture you forever.

Hascantofjon's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Hascantofjon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Hascantofjon loves otters, so they must be respected.

5. Never talk about tortoises.