Monlarp is a god.

He takes the form of a small, passionate elephant.

Monlarp created carbon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Monlarp, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Monlarp, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Monlarp's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Monlarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never talk about dark matter near birds while wearing pink hats.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Monlarp must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.