Habarpmad is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, merciful cow.

Habarpmad created Europe four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Habarpmad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Habarpmad, he will cry a lot.

Habarpmad's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Habarpmad's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never feed lots of apples to horses while wearing indigo tights.

3. Habarpmad loves bats, so they must be honoured.

4. Run away from red pigs, for they are unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.