Gutflamcet is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, temperamental walrus.

Gutflamcet created a photon two years ago.

If you believe in Gutflamcet, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gutflamcet, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gutflamcet's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Gutflamcet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Run away if five monkeys approach from the north.

3. Never jump in the presence of sharks.

4. Do not dye your hair fawn.

5. Hamsters are not to be trusted.