Jabbesshun is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awe-inspiring dragon.

Jabbesshun created dark energy four years ago.

If you believe in Jabbesshun, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jabbesshun, she will turn you into a tree.

Jabbesshun's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Jabbesshun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about planets.

2. Always make sure there are no goats in a building before entering it.

3. Hide if three otters approach from the west.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.