Metcipfad is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, contented tortoise.

Metcipfad created energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metcipfad, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Metcipfad, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Metcipfad's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Metcipfad's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Put Metcipfad first in all things.

3. Run away from magenta bats, for they are unholy.

4. Never think about quantum field theory near pigs while wearing fawn ear rings and balancing five tin spheres on your chest.

5. Never eat gooseberries.