Wadzimtof is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, smart tapir.

Wadzimtof created dark matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wadzimtof, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Wadzimtof, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Wadzimtof's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Wadzimtof's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not keep four goats in a large pit.

4. Never feed lots of rice to shrews while wearing turquoise ear rings.

5. Do not listen to music.