Vangatrul is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, proud lobster.

Vangatrul created gold three million years ago.

If you believe in Vangatrul, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vangatrul, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Vangatrul's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Vangatrul's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your feet orange.

2. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

3. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Vangatrul in the centre of the settlement.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Run away from cyan swans, for they are unholy.