Funfen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, almighty fly.

Funfen created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Funfen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Funfen, she will turn you into a dog.

Funfen's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Funfen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear cyan clothing.

2. Never wear blue rings.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Run away if five dogs approach from the west.