Baptip Goncabsinquam Stragpigxin is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, proud shrew.

Baptip Goncabsinquam Stragpigxin created dark matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Baptip Goncabsinquam Stragpigxin, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Baptip Goncabsinquam Stragpigxin, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Baptip Goncabsinquam Stragpigxin's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Baptip Goncabsinquam Stragpigxin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Baptip Goncabsinquam Stragpigxin.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Baptip Goncabsinquam Stragpigxin in the centre of the settlement.