Bestfligzedbushoncitvoltig Fomgarlargdap Tongepsas is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, bad-tempered mole.

Bestfligzedbushoncitvoltig Fomgarlargdap Tongepsas created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bestfligzedbushoncitvoltig Fomgarlargdap Tongepsas, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bestfligzedbushoncitvoltig Fomgarlargdap Tongepsas, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bestfligzedbushoncitvoltig Fomgarlargdap Tongepsas' most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Bestfligzedbushoncitvoltig Fomgarlargdap Tongepsas' Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no mites in a building before entering it.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near otters while wearing violet shoes and balancing six gold spheres on your head.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Run away if five ants approach from the south.