Nartbatsag is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unsympathetic shrew.

Nartbatsag created Europe five million years ago.

If you believe in Nartbatsag, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Nartbatsag, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Nartbatsag's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Nartbatsag's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five ducks approach from the west.

2. Never go into violet rooms.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not covet oxen.