Quartquilltim Bunrakgig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, awesome porpoise.

Quartquilltim Bunrakgig created the Cigar Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartquilltim Bunrakgig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Quartquilltim Bunrakgig, he will throw large rocks at you.

Quartquilltim Bunrakgig's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Quartquilltim Bunrakgig's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Do not drink water in fawn rooms.

3. You must never eat nuts.

4. Always wear purple.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.