Linfetwabyatt is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, witless gorilla.

Linfetwabyatt created Asia five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Linfetwabyatt, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Linfetwabyatt, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Linfetwabyatt's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Linfetwabyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Linfetwabyatt loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

2. Never feed wheat to whales while wearing white tights.

3. Always wear turquoise.

4. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Linfetwabyatt in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always take life seriously.