Beplarncat is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, omnipotent faun.

Beplarncat created the Milkyway three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Beplarncat, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Beplarncat, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Beplarncat's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Beplarncat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

2. Always treat dolphins with great respect.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near snails while wearing brown scarves and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your arms.

4. Never wear gray kilts.

5. Never eat bark.