Narlbatcimquimtonk is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, omniscient pig.

Narlbatcimquimtonk created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Narlbatcimquimtonk, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Narlbatcimquimtonk, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Narlbatcimquimtonk's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Narlbatcimquimtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Always obey Narlbatcimquimtonk's priests.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never feed apples to eagles while wearing pink trousers.