Jarnwitstaf Quagbensaf is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, cheerful pigeon.

Jarnwitstaf Quagbensaf created the Milkyway four million years ago.

If you believe in Jarnwitstaf Quagbensaf, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jarnwitstaf Quagbensaf, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Jarnwitstaf Quagbensaf's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Jarnwitstaf Quagbensaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no shrews in a building before entering it.

2. Do not keep five foxes in a large pit.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never write about bacteria.