Arprutciss is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, ruthless squirrel.

Arprutciss created an atom nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arprutciss, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Arprutciss, it will turn you into a snail.

Arprutciss' most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Arprutciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

3. Never wear yellow kilts.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Never feed tomatoes to snails while wearing blue shirts.