Zogortzag is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, contented whale.

Zogortzag created energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zogortzag, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Zogortzag, she will turn you into a rock.

Zogortzag's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Zogortzag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill foxes.

2. Never feed oranges to nematodes while wearing cyan tights.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not take Zogortzag's name in vain.