Captagman is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, astonishing squirrel.

Captagman created the planet Earth two billion years ago.

If you believe in Captagman, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Captagman, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Captagman's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Captagman's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

3. Always wear orange.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Captagman on top of all buildings.

5. Never think about horizontal gene transfer.