Mityarjab is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, deceitful salamander.

Mityarjab created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mityarjab, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Mityarjab, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Mityarjab's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Mityarjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never run near gulls.

3. Feed all hungry moths.

4. Always help sick hamsters.

5. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Mityarjab in the centre of the settlement.