Cemquagflan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, dishonourable rat.

Cemquagflan created Asia seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cemquagflan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cemquagflan, she will curse you with boils.

Cemquagflan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Cemquagflan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dark energy.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Put Cemquagflan first in all things.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.