Titzenzog is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, ruthless hydra.

Titzenzog created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titzenzog, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Titzenzog, he will turn you into a goat.

Titzenzog's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Titzenzog's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Titzenzog.

2. Never hurt squirrels.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Do not dye your hair yellow.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.