Quartzagfen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, resourceful bat.

Quartzagfen created light six million years ago.

If you believe in Quartzagfen, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Quartzagfen, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Quartzagfen's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Quartzagfen's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not shave your hands.

5. Never write about planets.