Teenparklig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, loving crocodile.

Teenparklig created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenparklig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Teenparklig, he will turn you into a slug.

Teenparklig's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Teenparklig's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear cyan.

2. Never sit in the presence of tortoises.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not speak about wheat.

5. Ants are unholy and should not be approached.