Dutyaklam is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, ill-tempered troll.

Dutyaklam created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutyaklam, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Dutyaklam, it will turn you into a rock.

Dutyaklam's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Dutyaklam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never talk about eukaryotes.