Goddimsad Nurmilbeg Bunontmil is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, benevolent bear.

Goddimsad Nurmilbeg Bunontmil created carbon five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Goddimsad Nurmilbeg Bunontmil, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Goddimsad Nurmilbeg Bunontmil, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Goddimsad Nurmilbeg Bunontmil's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Goddimsad Nurmilbeg Bunontmil's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Goddimsad Nurmilbeg Bunontmil nine times a day.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near great tits while wearing mauve tights and balancing four silicon spheres on your chest.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Goddimsad Nurmilbeg Bunontmil.

4. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always take life seriously.