Battarpmap Vigcabbosston is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, generous seal.

Battarpmap Vigcabbosston created a charm quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Battarpmap Vigcabbosston, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Battarpmap Vigcabbosston, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Battarpmap Vigcabbosston's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Battarpmap Vigcabbosston's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not kill snails.

3. Never talk about galaxies.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not wear titanium on your body.