Biglinquillrot Bestfigquart is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, grumpy human.

Biglinquillrot Bestfigquart created the solar system six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Biglinquillrot Bestfigquart, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Biglinquillrot Bestfigquart, it will throw large rocks at you.

Biglinquillrot Bestfigquart's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Biglinquillrot Bestfigquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. You must pray to Biglinquillrot Bestfigquart nine times a day.

4. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a building before entering it.

5. Never write about black holes.