Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, generous narwhal.

Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig created humanity eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig, he will turn you into a rock.

Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silver sculpture of Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig on top of all buildings.

2. Always treat tapirs with great respect.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig.

4. Weecuttonkged Ligfagbig loves rats, so they must be honoured.

5. Always help horses in need.