Flatpodnutt is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, cheerful walrus.

Flatpodnutt created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatpodnutt, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flatpodnutt, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Flatpodnutt's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Flatpodnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Flatpodnutt in the centre of the settlement.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate moths.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always help sick aardvarks.

5. Put Flatpodnutt first in all things.