Lanlidsag Cipwadmip is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, fussy raccoon.

Lanlidsag Cipwadmip created gold six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanlidsag Cipwadmip, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lanlidsag Cipwadmip, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Lanlidsag Cipwadmip's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Lanlidsag Cipwadmip's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Always help hamsters.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never talk about squirrels.

5. Do not eat figs.