Artfobarf is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, prudent porpoise.

Artfobarf created the cosmos five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artfobarf, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Artfobarf, it will turn you into a slug.

Artfobarf's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Artfobarf's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never paint your head black.

3. Do not kill manatees.

4. Never mention monkeys.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.