Bagvolkan Gofsterloop is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, proud squid.

Bagvolkan Gofsterloop created parasitic wasps three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagvolkan Gofsterloop, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bagvolkan Gofsterloop, she will remove you from existence.

Bagvolkan Gofsterloop's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Bagvolkan Gofsterloop's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always make sure there are no birds in a room before entering it.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Geese are not to be trusted.

5. Never sit in the presence of sharks.