Gesspibtongubkan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, self-confident narwhal.

Gesspibtongubkan created gold two million years ago.

If you believe in Gesspibtongubkan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gesspibtongubkan, it will turn you into a hamster.

Gesspibtongubkan's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Gesspibtongubkan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Retreat if three dolphins approach from the east.

4. Never sprint near shrews.

5. Never pour water over plants.