Teenweezen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, bad-tempered mink.

Teenweezen created everything that exists four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenweezen, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Teenweezen, he will turn you into a dog.

Teenweezen's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Teenweezen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never write about electromagnetism.

3. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

4. Never wear pink trousers.

5. You must pray to Teenweezen five times a day.