Bifnigpark is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, duplicitous jackal.

Bifnigpark created a top quark eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifnigpark, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bifnigpark, he will torture you forever.

Bifnigpark's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Bifnigpark's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Put Bifnigpark first in all things.

3. Hide from fawn ants for they are unholy.

4. Always wear gray.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.