Nurjaptam is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, annoying cat.

Nurjaptam created viruses eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurjaptam, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Nurjaptam, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Nurjaptam's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Nurjaptam's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.

4. Nurjaptam loves dolphins, so they must be respected.

5. Never feed wheat to great tits while wearing cyan shirts.