Arfspaghen is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, self-assured monkey.

Arfspaghen created the Whirlpool Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arfspaghen, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arfspaghen, it will turn you into a slug.

Arfspaghen's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Arfspaghen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair violet.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about quantum field theory near cats while wearing fawn ear rings and balancing seven gold spheres on your neck.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Arfspaghen loves badgers, so they must be respected.