Nurtiktar is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, merciful chicken.

Nurtiktar created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Nurtiktar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nurtiktar, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nurtiktar's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Nurtiktar's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face black.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.