Ortflapwip is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, impressive wolf.

Ortflapwip created everything that exists five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortflapwip, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Ortflapwip, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Ortflapwip's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Ortflapwip's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick squirrels.

2. Run away from cyan seals, for they are unholy.

3. Never talk about geese.

4. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Ortflapwip in the centre of the settlement.

5. Run away if four pigs approach from the south.