Bonkzimrull is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, grumpy clam.

Bonkzimrull created carbon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkzimrull, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bonkzimrull, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bonkzimrull's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Bonkzimrull's Holy Commandments

1. Snakes are not to be trusted.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near ants while wearing green jumpers and balancing four zinc spheres on your chest.

3. Always help sick aardvarks.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not eat lemons.