Hamxempark is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, temperamental snake.

Hamxempark created the planet Saturn three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamxempark, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hamxempark, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Hamxempark's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Hamxempark's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt dogs.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hamxempark.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.