Gupbellwig Kabjinwad is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, almighty octopus.

Gupbellwig Kabjinwad created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gupbellwig Kabjinwad, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Gupbellwig Kabjinwad, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Gupbellwig Kabjinwad's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Gupbellwig Kabjinwad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near horses while wearing cyan boots.

2. Gupbellwig Kabjinwad must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always help sick badgers.

4. Always help pigs.

5. Ducks are unholy and should not be approached.