Kanmipjab is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, competent newt.

Kanmipjab created the planet Saturn eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanmipjab, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Kanmipjab, he will turn you into a mole.

Kanmipjab's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Kanmipjab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Always help sick dolphins.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never paint your legs black.