Cepbunfag Getnegtal is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, pitiless tapir.

Cepbunfag Getnegtal created Europe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cepbunfag Getnegtal, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Cepbunfag Getnegtal, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Cepbunfag Getnegtal's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Cepbunfag Getnegtal's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Cepbunfag Getnegtal loves monkeys, so they must be respected.

4. Never leap in the presence of rats.

5. Never talk about whales.