Bagsomquaf is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, slow human.

Bagsomquaf created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bagsomquaf, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bagsomquaf, she will try to impress you with trees.

Bagsomquaf's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Bagsomquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never talk about dark matter near snails while wearing indigo stockings and balancing seven zinc spheres on your feet.

3. Never think about quantum field theory.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bagsomquaf.

5. Worship no other gods but Bagsomquaf.